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Tastes like chicken. Literally.
(Comic Relief) A group of Marines are fighting for their lives.

Pvt. Jenkins: Sarge! We're pinned down by Jackals!

Sgt. Johnson: Mendez! Fire the flamethrower!

Pvt. Mendez: But--

Sgt. Johnson: DO IT!

He does so.

The Jackals are cooked.

Pvt. Mendez: Mmm hmm. Smells like chicken.

Sgt. Johnson grabs a well done Jackal arm and takes a bite.

Sgt. Johnson: Tastes like chicken too. Like Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Pvt. Mendez: Hey Jenkins! Have a taste of 'Johnsons Fried Jackal'!

Pvt. Jenkins: Uugh. I think I'm gonna hurl.

(Snafufree on 03-13-07 02:37 UTC, permalink)

(Scenes) Lots of Elites charge a group of Marines at a very grassy plain. The Master Chief runs over the Elites with a Warthog. The sound of a lawnmower can be heard.

(Snafufree on 03-13-07 02:36 UTC, permalink)

Time-traveling ideas
(Change for the sake of change) The Script Writer said, "So the Master Chief takes the Index--"

The Director cuts him off. "And Guilty Spark takes it from him. Like taking candy from a baby. An armored baby." He chuckles, his jowls shaking.

Writer rolls his beady eyes. "I know he ta--"

Director waves an hairy hand dismissively. "Then the Monitor teleports itself & the Reclaimer to the Control Room via Halos' teleportation grid."

Writer nods. "That's what I wro--"

"But," the Director continues, "the Control Room is under construction, see."

Writer blinks rapidly. "Why would it be under constru--"

"Because," the Director explains," "they're 100,000 years in the past."

The Writer doesn't believe what he's hearing. "100,0--"

"No," the Director interrupts. "133,700 years. It's elite. No wait, 117,343 years in the past." He nods quickly, satisfied with his decision. "It'll be a treat for the fanbois."

The Writer quickly said, "Why would they travel back in ti--"

"The Monitor," the Director emphasized, "was damaged, see."


"Before they were both teleported."

"That's stu--"

Director spears Writer with a LOOK. "The Flood shoots a plasma beam at Sparky. And then electrical 'sparks' fly off him." He laughs out loud. "That pun will kill Stuntmutt."

The exasperated writer throws his hands up. "I qui--"

The director points a meaty finger at the writer. "You're fired. I don't need you."

(Snafufree on 03-13-07 02:36 UTC, permalink)

I thought about it.
(Comic Relief) Somewhere in Halo, the Master Chief intentionally awakens dozens upon dozens of sleeping Grunts.

After killing them Cortana asks the Spartan, "Did it ever occur to you to assasinate them in their sleep?"

"The thought crossed my mind, yes," he replied.

"I see," the AI mused. She added, "You really are barbaric."

"Why thank you Cortana," Master Chief said sarcastically.

"It wasn't a compliment," Cortana said, exasperated.

"That occurred to me," the Petty Officer drawled.

"ENEMY CONTACT! BEHIND YOU!" Cortana yelled.

The Spartan whirled around, automatically leveling his Assault Rifle.

No one's there.

Not even a cloaked Elite.

"Haha! Fooled ya," Cortana teased.

Master Chief slooowly prepares to remove the AI data chip from the back of his Mark V helmet.

"Don't even think about it." Cortana warned.

(Snafufree on 03-13-07 02:34 UTC, permalink)

Bumper cars anyone?
(Cheap Death) Three Elites driving Standard Reconnaissance Rapid Attack Vehicles (S.R.R.A.V. or Ghost) are racing towards a navigational point in Alpha Halo for the first time in daytime. Time is not on their side. The Ghosts are perpetually boosting through a narrow, linear, deep valley. The Nav Point is at the end of the valley, a couple of kilometers ahead. All three are driving line astern. The lead Elite is covered with gold-colored armor. The second, following close behind, has red armor. The last one, also close behind, is blue armored. As he reaches the end of the valley, the gold Elite spots a drop a few meters ahead. He brakes at the edge of a very sheer cliff. A dead end. The red Elite brakes as well, slightly bumping into Goldie. Unfortunately, the blue Elite, who possesses slower reflexes, rams into the red guy who slams into the gold guy who yells in guttural, frustrated, desperate agony as he plummets to his death in ten minutes.

(Snafufree on 11-27-06 23:31 UTC, permalink)

he is the one...
(Scenes from Hell) How about a corny flashback or two?

The Chief is in a hallway, a group of Elites face him, guns drawn. He takes a step back as the screen goes white.

John is younger. He is sitting in a meeting with his fellow Spartan trainees. Mendez has just announced that they will be undergoing surgery to enhance their fighting abilities.

John: ?Sir, is this a danger to my men??

Mendez: ?No. This will make you stronger, faster, smarter. A veritable killing machine. It will make you so effective you will be more God than man.?

John: ?What are you trying to tell us? That we can dodge bullets??

Mendez: ?No Chief. I?m trying to tell you that when you?re ready, you won?t have to.?

The scene shifts back. Master Chief stops backing away and holds out his hand. The Elites laugh and level their plasma rifles, preparing to fire.

Plasma flares down the hallway. Smoke and fire rises throughout the hall, blocking the chief from view. The dust slowly clears, showing the Chief standing tall without a scratch. The walls all around him are pockmarked. Save a little ball of plasma the Chief watches fall from his hands to the ground, he is unharmed.

Elite Leader: ?Well? shit.?

Master Chief throws his hands outward, and a warthog falls through the ceiling, crushing the Elites. He flexes mightily, bending the walls next to him.

Cortana: ?CHIEF!?

The Master Chief, spurred to action by Cortana?s cry, rushes to the nearest tele? er? warthog, and drives off to find the longsword.

(toothie on 11-22-06 17:10 UTC, permalink)

Chief Maguire
(You're freaking me out) Cortana, who had gone rampant throughout the movie, is standing amid the rubble that is the Ark. Master Chief has destroyed it and rid the universe of the flood forever.

The chief spots Cortana standing there and stops short.

Cortana (tears running from her eye): Chief?

Chief: Cortana?

They look at each other, then rush towards a fierce embrace.

Chief: Cortana I? I love you! You? complete me!

Cortana (emotional): Shut up! Just? shut up! You had me at ?hello!?

The camera pans to Johnson, who whose cigar falls out of his mouth. A single tear falls down his face, which is wrinkled in a knowing smile. The camera zooms in on the tear, and the movie ends.

(toothie on 11-22-06 17:09 UTC, permalink)

Chief. Master Chief.
(You're freaking me out) The Master Chief has invaded the Ark and defeated all its defenders. He stares down the Prophet of Truth, who lies on the floor, slowly dying.

Prophet of Truth: Demon? who are you?

The Chief turns around and takes off his helmet. It?s? Sean Connery!

Master Chief: The name?s Chief. Master Chief.

The Bond theme song blares triumphantly as the Chief jumps through the conveniently placed window, just as the Ark explodes.

The Chief slams into the water far below, and the screen goes black

(toothie on 11-22-06 17:08 UTC, permalink)

Got time to...?
(Comic Relief) Scene: Earth, Generic warehouse with an assembly line operating at full steam. Spartan-117 comes crashing through a window on an upper level.

Cortana: "You're bleeding!"

John: "I don't have time to bleed.."

John is intently trying to work fast and crash the computer that handles security, in an attempt to get the back gates to open up and get his reinforcements brought in.. He's very intent on his work.

The audience see's movement (slightly out of focus) behind the masterchief's head.. It's an elite with a pole he has pulled off of the wall approaching John from behind.

Cortana (sarcastically and smartassed.. as a last second warning) "You got time to duck?"

(the expected course of action is for him to quickly duck, the elite swings and misses, Cortana says "thought so", and the gag is over.. .. or)

John (absentmindedly): "No." as the pole clangs loudly into the side of his head, bending ridiculously out of shape. John doesn't even flinch.

John (turning to face this new threat.. standing there toe to toe for a moment, each eyeing the other.): "Oh."

(Deadguy71 on 11-16-06 20:02 UTC, permalink)

Old Ironsides?
(Confrontation) The Arbiter enters the Control Room. Covered in ash; his armor charred and burned, he looks down in the chamber; and basking in the white light of the core is Tartarus.

Then Ironside, by Quincy Jones, plays; the camera cutting to each character's face with the rise and fall of the siren in the tune.

After the song finishes, the Arbiter draws and energy sword and with a guttural yell leaps down on Tartarus, sword raised high, clutched with both hands. Tartarus in turn hefts his hammer, ready to swing a mighty undercut blow. In slow-motion the two foes close. As they approach the camera shifts to below the falling Arbiter and pointing up at Tartarus, sillouetted by the light of the core behind him. The closer they get, the brighter the light swells until it envelops the scene.

(Scott W. on 11-09-06 03:39 UTC, permalink)

Listen to the old stuff
(Music) So the flood has taken over IAC, and landed on High Charity - everything looks bad for everybody.

Then one of the more intelligent flood forms finds Sgt. Johnson's music chips or whatever they will be called in the future, and the flood tries to read the title and it says something like "Rock in Hell" By a group called "Death Machine." "Death Machine" sounds pretty good to the flood, so it pops it into the computer and some loud rock music starts blaring out - suddenly all the flood thingies start to tremble and pop and all their guts and stuff bubble and spew out and they die.

"What the hell" says Sarge, "who's playing my music?"

"You mean some of the old stuff" interrupts one of the Marines.

"And what the hell is going on? What is killing these flood?"

Cortana chimes in "I know what it is, Sarge" she says. "It's the music, it's killing the flood."

"I Guess, I'm not the only one who thinks you have bad taste in music Sarge" says the marine. So then the Sarge gets in one of the Pelican dropships. "Hey mothers, get a load of this" he yells out and pops another chip into the dash of the Pelican and loud rock music blares out. Cortana makes the music play on all the band frequencies and the Sarge flies around High Charity in his Pelican killing all the flood.

ROFL ? sorry couldn?t help it after watching Mars Attacks on TBS the other night?

(Ace Heart on 11-08-06 17:24 UTC, permalink)

Breaking the Fourth Wall
(Dialogue) Johnson gives a not-so-witty one-liner, then wonders in bemusement which writer wrote it.

"Don't lose yer head now! Too late. Aw, man; why'd Alex have to write that?!"

(Retsof-Noraa on 11-08-06 14:18 UTC, permalink)

(Positive Thinking) Anticipated movie get's shot down by the two studios that provide the financial backing.

This entry, of course, was submitted after the announcement of two studios pulling out of the movie, and Jackson soon after announcing that it is still going forward.
- free3bme
(I3ladeDragon on 11-08-06 14:17 UTC, permalink)

Frogblast the Ventcore!
(A wink to us fanbois) Sometime during the movie, a character yells the line "Frogblast the Ventcore!"

Extra points if it's during a battle sequence.

(Sharkface217 on 11-08-06 14:17 UTC, permalink)

Bad Ending
(Scenes from Hell) We all know that at the end of Halo, MAster Cheif said little. If the moviemakers decided to try and spice it up by adding a corny ending like this, I will be upset.

Aboard Longsword, somewhere above halo:

Cortana- Its over chief, they're all gone. Its just dust and echoes.

Chief: (Take your pick of ending) God bless their souls. (Stands up and salutes) --Or-- Flies into rage and attacks controlboard while screaming/ crying.

(Top Hat on 11-08-06 14:17 UTC, permalink)

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