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Improvised Vehicle of Justice!
(Scenes) The Master Chief and a small group of Marines have found a brief sanctuary behind a wrecked pelican in the middle of a deserted battlefield. Human and Covenant corpses and destroyed vehicles litter the ground.
Cortana: Chief, the Covenant battlenet indicates that they are aware of our current position and are moving to intercept.
Master Chief: How many?
Cortana: Um... most of them.
Random Marine: That's it! We're toast! Game over man!
Sgt. Johnson: Suck it up Marine. The fat lady may be warming up but she ain't singing yet. The Chief will figure out a way to get us all to the extraction point.
Sarge looks at MC as if to say, "Isn't that right?" MC nods slightly and then surveys the destruction around him.
Master Chief: What we need is transportation.
Cortana: Well, there isn't anything here that looks particularly serviceable. Certainly nothing that could transport six marines, an augmented super soldier and an AI construct safely past several thousand Covenant troops. Unless, of course, you paid especially good attention in shop class.
Master Chief: As a matter of fact, I did pretty well. My Fusion reactor went the longest without melting down.
Cortana: Well... that's comforting.
Begin "building stuff" montage. A-Team ripoff music plays as Marines and the MC salvage parts from the battlefield and bring them to the wrecked Pelican. There a quick search reveals crates of tools inside. Arc welding ensues. Something begins to take shape but the camera angles don't reveal much. After some time the Chief tosses a wrench to the ground.
Master Chief: Well... That outta do it.
Random Marine: What should we call it?
Cortana: Ugly as hell?
Sarge: I like it. It's got a ring to it.
Cortana: Well, whatever it we call it, it's time to use it. Covenant forces inbound.
The camera pulls back as the troops get on board. The thing they have built is a bizarre combination of Covenant and Human technology. It is bristling with weaponry including a Cannon from a Scorpion tank and several mounted Ghost plasma cannons. MC starts to get in the driver's seat but Sarge stops him.
Sgt. Johnson: Nuh uh Jounior. I'm driving this hunk of crap. You get up there and make sure you kill as many of those Covenant bastards as possible.
MC: You're the boss.
Sarge fires up the engine and adjusts the rear-view mirror. A Grunt skull dangles from it cheerily.
Sgt. Johnson: Let's get the hell out of here marines.
Marines: HOO-ra!
The Deathmobile roars off towards the advancing forces... and the inevitable cliches therin.
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(Slothboy on 06-11-06 18:32 UTC, permalink)
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